The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.

When there are starving people in the world, it seems wrong that so many of us Americans eat as much for entertainment as for nourishment.

Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?

You're almost always better off keeping your mouth shut, but don't let that stop you from popping off.

I've learned... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned... That when you're in love, it shows.

The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!