In Washington, a confidential assistant is someone who, if you don't want to know something, you go and ask him and he won't tell you.

Believing is such a comfort that it's hard to give up a belief just because it isn't true.

There is obviously a great human need for religion because life seems to be such a mystery.

I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!

I've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

Don't take a butcher's advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he'd be a chef.