One of the sweetest things in life: a letter from a friend.

When I write, I use an Underwood #5 made in 1920. Someone gave me an electric typewriter, but there's no use pretending you can use machinery that thinks faster than you do. An electric typewriter is ready to go before I have anything to say.

The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday.

Don't you hate it when...your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?

The last birthday that's any good is 23.

If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.

There are sixteen cans of coffee here; together they hold a total of thirteen and a half pounds of coffee. Doesn't that seem like cheating?