Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.

The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday.

Creativity is a by-product of hard work. If I never have another really new idea, it won't matter.

Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.

No one likes the house next door to look worse or a lot better than his own.

A writer's job is to tell the truth.

I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you.