When you get older you have to be careful about always saying, "Things aren't as good as they used to be." But it's hard not to.

American closets are filled with once-worn clothes that got a bad review from a friend on their first appearance.

I've learned... That money doesn't buy class.

Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.

Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.

For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40 +, there is a balding, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Every one starts out being an atheist.