I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

The teacher who knows the most about a subject isn't necessarily the one who can teach it best.

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.

There is obviously a great human need for religion because life seems to be such a mystery.

The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means.

Some people who hated Americans set out to kill a lot of us and they succeeded [on 9/11]....We're trying to protect ourselves with more weapons. We have to do it, I guess, but it might be better if we figured out how to behave as a nation in a way that wouldn't make so many people in the world want to kill us.

By the time they're ready to be thrown away, most shoes are thoroughly comfortable