We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of loneliness.

It's best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it's requested, and when it's a life threatening situation.

People like to say, "You're only as old as you feel," but it isn't true. It's just something old people say to make themselves feel good about their age. You're as old as you are.

Most college students are not as smart as most college presidents.

Have you noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, "Could you throw this away for me?"

Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?

No one likes the house next door to look worse or a lot better than his own.