Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes - that's what I'm here for.

Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.

Have you noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, "Could you throw this away for me?"

Flying is always an unpleasant experience. You wait an hour for every ten minutes you actually spend getting anywhere.

Small daily happenings make life spectacular.... start enjoying the small things in life!

Believing is such a comfort that it's hard to give up a belief just because it isn't true.

Don't keep saying, "I don't know where the time goes." It goes the same place it's always gone and no one has ever known where that is.