We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.

Art is a by-product of an honest and successful attempt to do something well.

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.

Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?

I don't know anything offhand that mystifies Americans more than the cotton they put in pill bottles. Why do they do it? Are you supposed to put the cotton back in once you've taken a pill out?

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

I've learned... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.