Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.

I've learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

A cat's idea of a 'good time' is to kill something.

People like to say, "You're only as old as you feel," but it isn't true. It's just something old people say to make themselves feel good about their age. You're as old as you are.

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?". She doesn't care what you think.

If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.

One of the things we can be sure of over the July 4th weekend is that news reports will keep telling us how many of us are going to die in automobile accidents.