A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?". She doesn't care what you think.

I've learned .... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

Bacon is clearly a food made by the Nazis to fatten up Americans. It has no nutritional value, is full of fat, sodium, and nitrates, and is a pathetic type of consumable made from the noblest of creatures.

Unfortunately, propaganda works.

Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?

Love is more pleasant once you get out of your twenties. It doesn't hurt all the time.

I've learned... that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.