If I'd known how many problems I was going to run into before I finished, I can't remember a single project I would have started.

I've learned... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

Love is more pleasant once you get out of your twenties. It doesn't hurt all the time.

My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.

One day about 10 years ago the door to my office opened and who walked in but Bill Gates.... Seemed like a nice guy and has done more with his money than most billionaires. But that's as far as I want to go being kind to Bill Gates.

Before a kid learns how to use a computer that can solve mathematical problems, he or she should know how to do arithmetic without a computer.

I've learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.