It's ridiculous for a country to get all worked up about a game—except the Super Bowl, of course. Now that's important.

I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn't realize they thought. And they say, 'Hey, yeah!' And they like that.

My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.

Unfortunately, propaganda works.

Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.

The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.

I've learned... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.