Writers don't retire. I will always be a writer.

The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.

Ugly is very popular this year...I had a feeling these clothes were deigned by someone who didn't like women.

I've learned ... that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

Bacon is clearly a food made by the Nazis to fatten up Americans. It has no nutritional value, is full of fat, sodium, and nitrates, and is a pathetic type of consumable made from the noblest of creatures.

One of the things we can be sure of over the July 4th weekend is that news reports will keep telling us how many of us are going to die in automobile accidents.

It's ridiculous for a country to get all worked up about a game—except the Super Bowl, of course. Now that's important.