I've learned... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

No matter what any of the grammar teachers say, punctuation is an arbitrary matter. It should be used to make sentences clear.

When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools.

I spent my first 50 years trying to become known as a writer and the next 30 trying to avoid being famous. I walk down the street or go to a football game and people shout, 'Hey Andy'. I hate that.

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.

I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me.

Let's make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We'll pick a week next year and we'll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.