I am not retiring. Writers don't retire. Writers never stop writing.

Bacon is clearly a food made by the Nazis to fatten up Americans. It has no nutritional value, is full of fat, sodium, and nitrates, and is a pathetic type of consumable made from the noblest of creatures.

Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

Once you pass forty, a dime isn't worth bending over to pick up if you drop one.

Death is a distant rumor to the young.

Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by the government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but they'll be okay if they're left alone.