All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.

It's best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it's requested, and when it's a life threatening situation.

No one likes the house next door to look worse or a lot better than his own.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

I've learned... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.

The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!