I've learned... That when you're in love, it shows.

If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.

It's best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it's requested, and when it's a life threatening situation.

Have you noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, "Could you throw this away for me?"

I never get over feeling bad about tearing open a beautifully wrapped present. It takes ten seconds to destroy a work of art that took someone ten minutes to accomplish.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Great teachers are usually a little crazy.