I enjoyed writing for someone elses voice, but I wasnt very good at it.

The first time I had sex, I didn't know what I was doing. It was a relief when the whole thing was over after just 45 minutes.

It's impossible for me to hear the words quadruple murder suicide without thinking of my grandparents.

You can't expect everyone to laugh or applaud you for doing edgy things. Sometimes you'll miss. But I think comedians are artists and there's a value in failure. It kind of works both ways between comedians and audiences. The audience has to understand that comedians are going to sometimes tell a joke that doesn't work out with dark subjects, and the comedian has to understand that sometimes they 'll fail and it's not the audience's fault for not getting it or loving it.

I've got a long history of suicid in my family; the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I'm lucky, my kids will kill themselves.

I can stand by a tweet. But Comedy Central said they couldn't publicly support me, unless I deleted it. I wasn't about to tell the people who work for me that they didn't have jobs anymore because I wasn't going to delete a stupid tweet.

Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.