My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.

If your house is on fire and you can only escape with your life and one thing, what one thing would you take out of your house? I got to think my laptop is the one thing that is totally irreplaceable. Either that or my son. Laptop. I'll go laptop.

Child molesters must all think they've got huge dicks.

I want to get a tattoo of the word irony, only misspelled.

Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.

I’m not a religious person; I would call myself an atheist. I don’t have a good story behind it, I’m just reasonable.

Dark humor appealed to me because it was a bigger laugh than you could get with anything else. Seeing people laugh at something inappropriate with their whole bodies, a guttural, visceral laugh beyond a mere "hah."