I always loved comedy, but it never seemed like something that I could do professionally.

I'm very arrogant and mean. I'm almost like a bad guy professional wrestler.

Disasters are funny to me. As a comedian you learn from failure, so I'm always trying to put myself in a situation that does not seem ideal for my comedy and see how it works.

Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer.

About a month ago some kids in my neighborhood were playing hide-and-go-seek and one of them ended up in an abandoned refrigerator. It's all anybody talked about for weeks. I said, 'Who cares? How many kids you know get to die a winner?

My girlfriend is despicable. I just found out she flirted with my brother, during my mom's funeral, while I was asleep.

I love Austin, but last time I was in town for twelve hours. I was exhausted, drunk and miserable. But none of that was Austin's fault.