Whenever Iโm about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes; because that way I donโt have to tell her about my herpes.
Anthony JeselnikI'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.
Anthony JeselnikI don't get back as much as I'd like to, so I don't have a lot of close ties [Pittsburgh], but I'll bleed black and gold until I die.
Anthony JeselnikYou know how everybody has that one weird creepy uncle? Well, Seth Green looks like he got raped by all of them.
Anthony Jeselnik