I never knew if I would get my own show, but I knew I loved stand-up.
I'll be very busy, which is all I need.
I'm a comedian and there are a lot of things I'm still learning. I love one liners because I love smart jokes. I also don't like complaining about society or whining about my life on stage.
Watching soccer just makes me wish I was watching Foosball.
I prefer to sleep with deaf girls. Those crazy chicks never have a safe word.
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'