Racist dermatologists think all black people have really bad skin.

I let a friend set me up on a blind date. It was a disaster. She ended up being a burn victim. By the end of the night.

Do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it

I come up with my jokes by thinking of a topic.

I loved Stephen Wright, and I loved Mitch Hedberg, but they seemed like geniuses you could never emulate. You'd just be ripping them off.

With comics, you always talk about a big break, but there are a lot of big breaks in your life and not one of them makes a big difference.

I guess I prefer the laughs. I couldn't do a whole set of just shocks, but I like throwing a fastball inside every now and then to keep people on their toes.