I feel like every first episode of a TV show is bad, you know, and it always improves.

I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.

I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.

People are surprised that I'm nice and it helps me out a little bit; it's easy to be nice when everyone thinks you're going to be a jerk but if people think you're a nice guy then it's tough because it's what they expect.

It's impossible for me to hear the words quadruple murder suicide without thinking of my grandparents.

I would love to DJ the royal wedding. Just so I could play Candle in the Wind non-stop.

Jeff Ross has been roasting people since Whitney Cummings was nothing but a glint in the eye of the man who raped her mother.