My dad's been having a hard time lately. Keeps on losing his keys. Can't hang on to a set of keys to save his life. And he has tried everything too: little hook next to the door, little bowl next to his bed, keychain makes a noise when you whistle. Nothing worked. So finally, this year for his birthday, the whole family chipped in - and we put him in a home.
Anthony JeselnikAn offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.
Anthony JeselnikThe driving force behind doing everything that I've been doing as a stand-up is having problems with authority and not liking to be told what to do.
Anthony JeselnikEvery Sunday my dad calls to ask if I went to church. And every Sunday I lie and say: Sorry. Wrong Number.
Anthony Jeselnik