My girlfriend is despicable. I just found out she flirted with my brother, during my mom's funeral, while I was asleep.

In the second grade, I would just get bored and a joke would pop into my head and I would have to say it. It was almost like I had some brilliant novel in my head that I had to get down, and I would interrupt class all the time and get in trouble.

I'm too cynical to be an optimist.

People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.

I want to get a tattoo of the word irony, only misspelled.

I love anyone who surprises me and makes me laugh.

I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could attest.