My girlfriend is despicable. I just found out she flirted with my brother, during my mom's funeral, while I was asleep.

On the show, you have to be more charismatic, a little smoother, but I think I can still be that prince of darkness. You just have to learn the tricks of the TV trade as well.

I would never hit a woman - even if she had a knife or a stutter.

My great grandmother threw herself in front of a bus. The police tried to say she was committed suicide but the family knew she was just trying to stop civil rights.

I think the reason I became funny was because if I made people laugh, they would let me keep talking.

Childhood obesity affects all pedophiles.

I prefer to sleep with deaf girls. Those crazy chicks never have a safe word.