Mike Tyson, what can I say about you that hasn’t already been the title of a Richard Pryor album?

The driving force behind doing everything that I've been doing as a stand-up is having problems with authority and not liking to be told what to do.

I think my friend Jeff is gay. I don't know - I'm so bad with names.

I think some people just don't know that much about comedy. It would be like a person who didn't know anything about football thinking all offensive linemen are the same.

God, that Anthony Jeselnik Show sounds really funny.

I loved Stephen Wright, and I loved Mitch Hedberg, but they seemed like geniuses you could never emulate. You'd just be ripping them off.

I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer… but no one will do it.