An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.

With comics, you always talk about a big break, but there are a lot of big breaks in your life and not one of them makes a big difference.

I was always fascinated by forbidden things people didn't want to talk about, like death.

My dad was amazing. He raised five boys. All by himself. Without the rest of us knowing.

I'm a comedian and there are a lot of things I'm still learning. I love one liners because I love smart jokes. I also don't like complaining about society or whining about my life on stage.

It was important to me to be cool as a comedian. I didn't want to be a crowd-pleaser who sent out the vibe of, "I need you guys." I wanted to be so cool that the audience could leave and I would still be killing, that I didn't want to have to rely on them or need them. That really appealed to me.

My girlfriend has the greatest story as to why she isn't religious anymore. When she was a kid, like 12 years old, her parents nailed a 25 pound crucifix to the wall right above her bed. About two weeks later, in the middle of the night, the crucifix falls off the wall and leaves a two inch gash in the back of her dad's head.