Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.

I tell very mean jokes.

I don't have a type, really. But I've always been more attracted to girls who yell fire.

I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else, and that's how I'll get better.'

In comedy, I hate that cop-out where you say, "Just kidding." I know you're just kidding. Don't insult my intelligence by spelling it out for me that much.

I didn't care about the backlash. I think the reason it was so severe was because they didn't know anything about me in New Zealand. If I had made jokes about a shark attack in the US, no one would have cared.

I would never hit a woman - even if she had a knife or a stutter.