I have a rare form of body dysmorphia in which I absolutely can't stand how good I look.

Larry King is so old, he's actually one of the Jews that killed Christ.

My favorite sport is football. I'm a die hard Steelers fan. Favorite players were Hines Ward and Greg Lloyd.

Dark humor appealed to me because it was a bigger laugh than you could get with anything else. Seeing people laugh at something inappropriate with their whole bodies, a guttural, visceral laugh beyond a mere "hah."

With comics, you always talk about a big break, but there are a lot of big breaks in your life and not one of them makes a big difference.

When I was seven, I broke my leg playing soccer. Just to feel something.

In a late-night monologue, it's not just about being funny; you have to come off as knowledgeable. You have to cultivate a persona of trust and intelligence and likeability.