Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer.

An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.

I could see myself adopting a kid someday. But, obviously, I'd prefer it to be aborted.

Every year I volunteer at a hospital on Thanksgiving, deep-frying turkeys in the children's burn unit. I do it just to see the looks on their little "faces."

Halloween is just a made up holiday, created by the razor blade industry.

I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.

I actually never acted on "Deadwood." I have meetings all the time where people look at my IMDb page and see that I played the part of "Accounting Clerk" on Deadwood. Actually, I was the accounting clerk for production of "Deadwood."