Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer.

People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.

I don't have a type, really. But I've always been more attracted to girls who yell fire.

My great grandmother threw herself in front of a bus. The police tried to say she was committed suicide but the family knew she was just trying to stop civil rights.

Sure, my uncle killed himself playing Russian Roulette. But I choose to remember him as a great Russian Roulette player.

I like to read, but otherwise I'm just your average, self-obsessed comedian. It's pretty much all I think about.

I feel worthless. My girlfriend was attacked on the subway yesterday. And I can't even enjoy it.