Every comic went through their Mitch Hedberg phase - the glasses, the hair in the face - and you knew immediately when they were doing it.

My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.

It's always difficult when someone close to you passes away. But it's really tough when they're on top of you.

I don't want to wake up with cops surrounding my bed tonight.

My girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you?

I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny.

I try to retire jokes as soon as I can once I put them on an album. But I can't think of anything I just stopped doing for no reason.