Every comic went through their Mitch Hedberg phase - the glasses, the hair in the face - and you knew immediately when they were doing it.

Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.

I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to cover it up in my persona. I felt like I wouldn't be able to do stand-up for a career if I was needy. I didn't want to be complaining or whining onstage. I wanted to be cool and do exactly what I wanted to do. That way I would never have to change for anybody.

I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of humor.

Im not the voice of reason; Im more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.

You'll get my assault weapon when you pry it out of my curious six-year-old's cold dead hands.

I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.