Child molesters must all think they've got huge dicks.
I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny.
You look like you deep fry your hands before you bite your fingernails.
My girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you?
I'm inspired by making people laugh at subjects that should make them cry.
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'