What do they call that hat Jewish guys always wear? A Yankees cap.

The world is full of horrible things that will eventually get you and everything you care about. Laughter is a universal way to lift your head up and say: 'Not today, you bastards.'

My sister is going to have a simple wedding. Just immediate family. And whoever the hell would want to marry her.

On Twitter, when someone would die, I would write a joke. Or if there's a tragedy, I would write a joke and tweet it. That was my thing, and then at a certain point, people started demanding it.

I didn't care about the backlash. I think the reason it was so severe was because they didn't know anything about me in New Zealand. If I had made jokes about a shark attack in the US, no one would have cared.

Larry King is so old, he's actually one of the Jews that killed Christ.

Comedy Central made me delete the Boston Marathon joke. I wasn't happy about it but, despite popular belief, I can occasionally be a team player.