You look like you deep fry your hands before you bite your fingernails.

I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could attest.

I could see myself adopting a kid someday. But, obviously, I'd prefer it to be aborted.

Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.

I try to write three jokes every morning, although I don't know what they are. I write them as fast as I can, then I put them away for a month. So I couldn't even tell you what they are, or if they're good. I just assume they weren't.

My dad was amazing. He raised five boys. All by himself. Without the rest of us knowing.

I've always been fascinated by dark subjects, especially people's reactions to them. Why are people so uncomfortable talking about death if everyone dies?