You look like you deep fry your hands before you bite your fingernails.

I'm actually a really nice guy, once you get to blow me.

Of all the ways people save time, I think racism is the worst.

My neighbor complains every time my girlfriend and I have sex. We're not even that loud. But he used to date my girlfriend.

I’m not a religious person; I would call myself an atheist. I don’t have a good story behind it, I’m just reasonable.

The one thing I've found you really can't joke about - and people think it's death or something - is money. No one thinks it's funny, whether you have it or you don't. Money is just something no one seems to like joking about.

What do I care if someone doesn't like me. If I like someone other people hate, it makes me feel special. I think my fans feel that way.