When my girlfriend cooks dinner, I'm happy to do the dishes. Because I make her wash dishes when I take her to a restaurant.

My neighbor complains every time my girlfriend and I have sex. We're not even that loud. But he used to date my girlfriend.

I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.

An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.

I love Pittsburgh. Most of my family still lives there and I try to get back a couple of times a year.

That's the worst way you can hear about comedy material: from a third person's blog story that they wrote when they were upset.

Jeff Ross has been roasting people since Whitney Cummings was nothing but a glint in the eye of the man who raped her mother.