I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.

I don't get back as much as I'd like to, so I don't have a lot of close ties [Pittsburgh], but I'll bleed black and gold until I die.

I'll be very busy, which is all I need.

I grew up in a poor family. I had to cut everyone's hair, because we didn't have money for entertainment.

I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldnt be the bad guy in the joke; he couldnt upset people, really.

I've got a long history of suicid in my family; the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I'm lucky, my kids will kill themselves.

I don't have a type, really. But I've always been more attracted to girls who yell fire.