I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.

Do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it

Im not the voice of reason; Im more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.

I like to read, but otherwise I'm just your average, self-obsessed comedian. It's pretty much all I think about.

When my girlfriend cooks dinner, I'm happy to do the dishes. Because I make her wash dishes when I take her to a restaurant.

I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.

I never go see live comedy shows because I just sit in the audience thinking, "Here's what I would say. Here's what I would do if I got up there." It drives me crazy.