My girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you?

I got into comedy because I wanted to get into writing.

Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence; because if she doesn't have that, then she’s mine.

Everyone has the same kind of fears; everyone has the same big problems in the world, which is, like, fear of death and I hope horrible things dont happen to my family, but they do. And I think people laugh at them as this great release.

There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it; that's my job.

I'm really proud of the album. It's something I always wanted to do but I had to wait until I was ready. Shakespeare is a culmination of eight years of stand up experience and joke writing. I recorded two shows at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in New York. The crowds were great and that's what really makes an album.

I come up with my jokes by thinking of a topic.