Dark humor appealed to me because it was a bigger laugh than you could get with anything else. Seeing people laugh at something inappropriate with their whole bodies, a guttural, visceral laugh beyond a mere "hah."

Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.

I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says.

Watching soccer just makes me wish I was watching Foosball.

I never go see live comedy shows because I just sit in the audience thinking, "Here's what I would say. Here's what I would do if I got up there." It drives me crazy.

I'm actually a really nice guy, once you get to blow me.

I love anyone who surprises me and makes me laugh.