Dark humor appealed to me because it was a bigger laugh than you could get with anything else. Seeing people laugh at something inappropriate with their whole bodies, a guttural, visceral laugh beyond a mere "hah."

The true meaning of Christmas is actually centuries of gullibility.

When my girlfriend cooks dinner, I'm happy to do the dishes. Because I make her wash dishes when I take her to a restaurant.

I'm inspired by making people laugh at subjects that should make them cry.

I don't ever want to have kids of my own. But I do want a lot of kids.

I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer… but no one will do it.

I'm very arrogant and mean. I'm almost like a bad guy professional wrestler.