My favorite part of going to a wedding is ruining the wedding.

My girlfriend is despicable. I just found out she flirted with my brother, during my mom's funeral, while I was asleep.

The world is full of horrible things that will eventually get you and everything you care about. Laughter is a universal way to lift your head up and say: 'Not today, you bastards.'

I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations. One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them in the first place.

I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldnt be the bad guy in the joke; he couldnt upset people, really.

I could see myself adopting a kid someday. But, obviously, I'd prefer it to be aborted.

I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.