My favorite part of going to a wedding is ruining the wedding.

I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.

Comedy Central made me delete the Boston Marathon joke. I wasn't happy about it but, despite popular belief, I can occasionally be a team player.

My dad was amazing. He raised five boys. All by himself. Without the rest of us knowing.

I would never hit a woman - even if she had a knife or a stutter.

2010 has been awesome. I got to write on the David Hasselhoff Roast this summer, and that's always been a dream.

My sister is going to have a simple wedding. Just immediate family. And whoever the hell would want to marry her.