The best way to break up with a girl is like I'm taking off a band-aid. Slowly and in the shower.

I actually never acted on "Deadwood." I have meetings all the time where people look at my IMDb page and see that I played the part of "Accounting Clerk" on Deadwood. Actually, I was the accounting clerk for production of "Deadwood."

Hitler really wasn't so bad. In the black way.

God, that Anthony Jeselnik Show sounds really funny.

I don't have much racial stuff in my act. And no one's ever really threatened me to my face. Threats on the internet don't bother me so much.

I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.

On Twitter, when someone would die, I would write a joke. Or if there's a tragedy, I would write a joke and tweet it. That was my thing, and then at a certain point, people started demanding it.