I don't think Metallica sits around all day wondering why country music fans don't embrace them.

Whenever I’m about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes; because that way I don’t have to tell her about my herpes.

I was raised Catholic. I rejected it later on. I'm an outspoken atheist now. People say, 'Oh, it's a negative thing to be an atheist.' I don't agree. I think it's more optimistic to think that there is no God, no afterlife.

I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer… but no one will do it.

I love anyone who surprises me and makes me laugh.

You look like you deep fry your hands before you bite your fingernails.

My sister is going to have a simple wedding. Just immediate family. And whoever the hell would want to marry her.