Comedy Central made me delete the Boston Marathon joke. I wasn't happy about it but, despite popular belief, I can occasionally be a team player.

On the show, you have to be more charismatic, a little smoother, but I think I can still be that prince of darkness. You just have to learn the tricks of the TV trade as well.

Whenever I’m about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes; because that way I don’t have to tell her about my herpes.

Mike Tyson, what can I say about you that hasn’t already been the title of a Richard Pryor album?

It's always difficult when someone close to you passes away. But it's really tough when they're on top of you.

I wish my family had taken more pictures when I was growing up. Instead of always having to draw everything.

I want to get a tattoo of the word irony, only misspelled.