I prefer to sleep with deaf girls. Those crazy chicks never have a safe word.

My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... so I can get a better girlfriend.

I feel worthless. My girlfriend was attacked on the subway yesterday. And I can't even enjoy it.

Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence; because if she doesn't have that, then she’s mine.

What do I care if someone doesn't like me. If I like someone other people hate, it makes me feel special. I think my fans feel that way.

I grew up in a poor family. I had to cut everyone's hair, because we didn't have money for entertainment.

On Twitter, when someone would die, I would write a joke. Or if there's a tragedy, I would write a joke and tweet it. That was my thing, and then at a certain point, people started demanding it.