This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.

Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week

I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.

I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.

Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.