This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.

Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.

I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.

The best things in life aren't things.