The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.

Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was.

On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.

A bad liver is to a Frenchman what a nervous breakdown is to an American. Everyone has had one and everyone wants to talk about it.

If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.

When it came to writing about wine, I did what almost everybody does - faked it

Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.