I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
Art BuchwaldThis is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security.
Art BuchwaldI contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
Art BuchwaldI'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
Art BuchwaldAnd Man created the plastic bag and the tin and aluminum can and the cellophane wrapper and the paper plate, and this was good because Man could then take his automobile and buy all his food in one place and He could save that which was good to eat in the refrigerator and throw away that which had no further use. And soon the earth was covered with plastic bags and aluminum cans and paper plates and disposable bottles and there was nowhere to sit down or walk, and Man shook his head and cried: "Look at this Godawful mess.
Art Buchwald