Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.

I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?

Ascot is so exclusive that it is the only racecourse in the world where the horses own the people.

The things that matter most are not things.

I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.

As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.

Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.