I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.

The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.

I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.

... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.

I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.