Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.

Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.

Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?

I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.