Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
The best things in life aren't things.
The things that matter most are not things.
I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.